This is a description of my mindset as of late, and why I am now beginning to now overcome it. I apologize to those who feel as though I have neglected this blog – my prayer is that I may find more time to add to it!
Looking at this photo, I remember what a sad day it was indeed. I was in despair, a time of sadness. I was waiting for the light in the midst of stormy clouds. It had been a rough couple of months, and things were not going any better. I felt abandoned and alone. So I did what I normally do: I went for a walk. I like to walk when I am stressed out about something; it helps clear my mind of anything while at the same time allowing me to think it through. Usually on these walks, I end up in my barn; and it was no different with this walk. I like to sit up in my loft and look out the back window, gazing out onto the property. I do a lot of thinking up there, for it very quiet and peaceful save the noisy animals down below! Thinking about things helps me put everything into better perspective. However, whenever I go outside, I almost always have my camera, and that is how I got this picture. I like to capture the moment and setting that I am in, and I like to go back and recall how I was that day, as I am doing now.
I love taking pictures, and all of them have some sort of story that usually involves how I am feeling. And if it does not reflect how I am feeling, it reflects how I wish to feel. In my picture, there is a contrast of dark and light. I love contrasts and light, something about it is so fascinating. This picture reflects nothing, and the hope of something. I am facing to the left and out of the window, my hand barely opening the door. To my back, there is darkness with my coat fading into its blackness. But my face and braided hair is etched with light. Nothing can be seen outside the window, just golden light and the rusty barn door as it fades to the light. The contrast is subtle, yet so very stark to me. To most, people just see the awesome contrasts of light and dark,which I want people to catch. Yet I see the story behind it.
This picture really does reflect how I was feeling both that day and the past couple of moths. Standing in the midst of darkness, and waiting for the light to be turned on. My sadness was empty and dark. Nothing happy was at my back, just darkness. Yet before me, I was looking towards something new and bright. I could not see what was ahead of me, but I was prayer for something better than what was behind. My hand is opening the door to something brighter, something other than the darkness behind me. But this picture is called Memory, for that is what it was. I was remembering things. Things that had happened recently, things that had happened a while back; some were happy, and most were sad. None could be redone and none could be taken away. However, my sadness was clouding out what could be, and my happiness was struggling to pierce the darkness.
This picture is called memory. Sadly, at the time, most of these memories were very overcast and gloomy. However, I do not want the reader and viewer to get the impression that I feel that all memories are to cast such a dismal feeling. That is where I want to bring in the light again. I have had good memories, and I knew that good ones are to come again. This photograph is to be a lesson: “To forget what is behind and to strain towards what is ahead”. No, it is not good to force the memories behind us, that only creates more emotional turmoil. However, it is good to remember that as there were once good memories there will be more again. We just have to open the window and look for the light. We have to keep straining towards what is ahead.
I was very miserable the day this picture was taken, but I am looking out the window and into the light of a new day. Standing tall like everything is okay is not always easy, but it helps in grasping the new day and light that is ahead. Thankfully, I was able to overcome of the sadness of that day, and now I am able to move so much more free every day. I do have bouts of sadness where I feel abandoned and alone, but I have realized that God has called me to something greater than this world here. He has not abandoned me, and He has been holding me all throughout tis.
It is not an easy battle to overcome each day, but it is proving its worth. I am not completely okay, but I know that my God is with me and He gives me a new start each day to prove that there is light out that window from this dark room. He is the light that I look towards, all I had to do was open the window to let Him in. That is what the memories were, and that is how the story was changed from darkness to light.
“So that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way:
bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you
may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to
share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the
kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.”
~ Colossians 1:10-14 ~